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THE CASE
FOR MARRIAGE
By Cathy Noblick, LCSW
“I’m not in love anymore”
“I think I married the wrong person”…”It would be easier to be single”…
Have you ever thought about divorce? When a relationship becomes difficult, it can be tempting to imagine another kind of life…one in which you live quietly alone, or one in which you share your life with someone more compatible. At times such as these we forget why we ever wanted to be married. What is the point, anyway, of sharing your life with one person forever?
I’ll admit that sometimes I’m not really sure why we struggle through relationships, especially on those days when it feels like I can barely keep my own relationship from sinking, but here are some tentative thoughts on why we hang in there…
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Because we all want to feel like there is someone permanently in our corner. Someone who knows us better than anyone else in the world, and despite that, is still there in our corner, day after day.
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Because we all long for a friend, a companion, an second self, someone to witness all that we are, all that we do, and all that we are becoming.
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Because the best kind of relationship is a reciprocal one, one in which we are both members of the same team, presidents of each other’s fan clubs. A relationship in which we fill each others gaps and draw on one another’s strengths.
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Because the most gratifying accomplishments are those that require years of patient investment. A marriage is a work in progress, a heroic quest, a dance you perfect over time.
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Because we really do live in the shelter of each other and we all long for a sanctuary, the “soft pace to fall” when we are too weary to go on.
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Because we are drawn to the magic of being needed, of experiencing companionship so deep that communication occurs without words. We want someone to laugh with , to cry with, and to comfort.
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Because we like the feel of “we-ness” that makes the two of us an entity greater than the sum of its parts, the “us-ness” that defines us as a couple.
While it is difficult to achieve the kind of synchronicity described above, the comfort and peace of finding it is heaven on earth. It is an end worth working toward. We all have days when we wonder whether it’s worth it to hang in there, but if we have been making regular deposits in the “emotional bank account” we can draw on that balance to carry us through to continue our journey together. And isn’t it the journey that counts in the end? |
