What's the Point?

February 17, 2015

                 

 

 

                      "I'm not in love anymore."                      

"I think I married the wrong person."

                                 "It would be easier to be single."

 

Have you ever thought about divorce?  When a relationship becomes difficult, it can be tempting to imagine another kind of life...one in which you live quietly alone, or one in which you share your life with someone "more compatible".  At such times we forget why we ever wanted to be married. What is the point, anyway, of sharing your life with just one person, forever?  

 

Here are some thoughts on the value of long-term, committed relationships, and why they are worth sustaining, even through the toughest times. 

 

-Because we all want to feel like there is someone permanently in our corner...someone who knows us better than anyone else in the world, and despite that, still has our back, day after day.

 

-Because we all long for a friend, a companion, a second self, someone to witness all that we are, all that we do, and all that we are becoming.

 

-Because the best kind of relationship is a reciprocal one, one in which we are both members of the same team, presidents of each others' fan clubs...a relationship in which we fill each other's gaps and draw on one another's strengths.

 

-Because the most gratifying accomplishments are those that require years of patient investment.  A long-term relationship is a work in progress, a heroic quest, a dance you perfect over time. 

 

-Becuse we really do live in the shelter of each other and we all long for a sanctuary, that "soft place to fall" when we are too weary to go on.

 

-Because we are drawn to the magic of being needed, of experiencing companionship so deep that communication occurs without words. We want someone to laugh with, to cry with and to comfort.

 

-Because we like the "we-ness" that makes the two of us an entity greater than the sum of its parts, the "us-ness" that defines us as a couple.

 

While it takes effort to achieve this kind of synchronicity, the comfort and security of a healthy long-term attachment can be well worth the struggle. It is an end worth working toward. Some days it's hard to hold on, but if we keep the long-term benefits in mind and focus on the good things each day, it gives us the strength to continue our journey together.  And isn't it the journey that matters in the end?

 

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Cathy Noblick, LCSW • 39 Avenue at the Commons • Suite 106 • Shrewsbury, NJ 07702 • 732-380-0012

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